identity, women & same-sex attraction

When You Feel Defective as a Woman – Part 1

I went to a women’s conference a while back, and while I was so excited to go I was also a little apprehensive. Why was I apprehensive?

I often leave women’s conferences feeling like there is something wrong with me.

For instance, there was an icebreaker in this conference that had to do with lipstick. We all had to get out our lipstick (or know what our lipstick looked like if we didn’t have it with us) to participate in this game. The only problem was… I don’t own any lipstick! This is when the apprehensive, accusing thoughts in the backdrop of my mind got a little louder.

“You are not like any of these women. You are different. There is something wrong with you!”

By the end of the conference, someone else made a comment about purses and alluded to the fact that all women love purses and shoes (not me). This comment was innocently made, but because of the lies I have believed about myself, I heard it with false condemnation attached to it (not as it was truly delivered).

Again, the thoughts were there to accuse me:

“You are broken and defective. You don’t belong with these women. You are missing something that makes you a “true” woman.”

These are thoughts that I have had for a long time. The older I get, the louder they have gotten (because I started to believe them). I have believed the lie that I am defective because:

  • I do not care about purses, make-up, jewelry or shoes.
  • I do not own lipstick, and I like it that way. 🙂
  • I do not like shopping of any kind. I go into the store to get what I need and I leave.
  • I was nervous to start a local women’s ministry a few years years ago, because I don’t like “frilly” stuff.
  • I spend less time getting ready in the morning than my husband does.
  • I am most comfortable and feel most like “me” in jeans. I wear them pretty much every day.

What I’m noticing more and more (and why I’m sharing this post today) is that I have started to realize just how much I have listened to the enemy in this area of my life.

The enemy loves to pervert things. What does this mean? The definition of “pervert” (verb) is to change something from its correct use or original purpose”. Satan specializes in changing things from its correct use or original purpose.

Without noticing where these subtle thoughts have been coming from, I believed them. I agreed with them and let them change my thinking. Therefore I have consequently believed lies about myself. Satan is famous for perverting everything. In my case, this is how part of it all played out.

“I don’t care about jewelry, shoes, shopping or many “girly” things; therefore, maybe I really am gay. Maybe that wasn’t just an experience I had in my past but it’s who I really am. I certainly don’t care about what most women around me care about. I’m different. Maybe I’m fighting who I really am.”

Now there are many women who don’t enjoy all of the frilly, girly stuff who don’t question whether they are gay or not. One does not equal the other. What is the difference, then?

I will use myself as an example. Along with some of the experiences I have had in my past, (read my testimony) the enemy came in to pervert the situation with my lack of excitement over things many women love. He perverts many areas that aren’t related to sexuality as well, but this is where I have seen this take place in my own life.

Satan loves to take the truth and twist it just enough that it still seems like truth.

“You’re not a “real” woman. Something is wrong with you. You hate girly stuff and don’t like what other women like. Do you know why? That’s because you’re gay. You fully remember what you’ve done in the past. Just admit it to yourself. It’s who you are.”

Those thoughts all by themselves may not have been too convincing to me. Like I said, there are plenty of heterosexual women who don’t like girly stuff either; but add my past to the mix and the lies seem more convincing.

I had a very powerful revelation concerning my identity (and femininity) that I will share with you in my next post. If any of you can relate to what I have said in this post, you will really want to make sure you read the next one.

Satan is the father of lies. He needs to be exposed for who he is. Be on alert to the thoughts and accusations running through your mind. Pay close attention to the subtle assumptions you make about yourself that make you feel horrible.

That is not God.

The Holy Spirit speaks to us, but He encourages us, builds us up and points us towards God the Father. He wants to give you an abundant life filled with joy and peace. So much of this includes knowing who He created you to be.

Do you know who He created you to be?

Stay tuned for my next post where I will explain the powerful revelation God showed me concerning my femininity and what He thinks about the non-frilly Amy. 🙂

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4 thoughts on “When You Feel Defective as a Woman – Part 1

  1. I love you so much! Thank you for this post today. I have always felt ill at ease at Women’s Retreats, Conferences etc.. for the exact type of reasons you mention. I am guessing that we are not in the minority as much as we think we are… My husband doesn’t like men’s conferences for the same reason. They seem to overhype the man stereotype of a gun toting outdoorsman or super athelete. I wish ministry leaders would realize that these almost-parodies of stereotypical roles do not reflect God’s all encompassing love for each of us who are made in His image.

    When I was younger, and trying to figure out who I was- I did question if there was something wrong with me because I felt alienated in women’s events. Everyone else there seemed to embrace everything whole heartedly, therefore the problem was that I was certainly lacking or rejecting something that God had obviously given every other women but me. As I have grown older and have experienced life a bit, I have realized that there are many, many, MANY women who are non-stereotypical. I love that! It’s God’s creativity at work! So yea to the brave women in the world who have embraced who God made them to be. 🙂

    Thanks so much for your post!!!

  2. Hey,
    Thank you for this post. I feel the same exact same sometimes when I am out and about.
    It is such a relief to know other women feel this way sometimes. I grew up following my older brother, and trying to be like him. But, that did not mean I was gay, but that I was a tom boy. But don’t get me wrong I love any high heels that are suede.
    Thank you again! 🙂

  3. Amy,
    As I read your post today something stirred in my heart about femininity. I have not felt like a true woman for many ,many years. I never felt like I was gay but I have issues with my self esteem. I have never felt worthy of love. Forget going to a woman’s conference. I went to one years ago and I never felt like those other women who had all these nice clothes and were educated. When they talked about the Lord they used all these big long words. I felt like I was lost. As far as my femininity went, I never felt feminine. I was always the “fat sister”, and still am. I was always self conscious about my weight. I was physically and verbally abused by my first husband, and cheated on and lied to by my second husband. Look at me ,pouring out my heart to my daughter-in-law who I love very much and am so proud of. I can’t wait to hear what God had to say to you about your femininity in your next post

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