“God, my strength, I am looking to You, because God is my Defender. My God loves me, and He goes in front of me. He will help me defeat my enemies” (Psalm 59:9-10).
This part of the song was describing God as our Defender. It’s like the Holy Spirit hi-lighted that name to me, while causing great conviction and joy for me at the same time. Just before church that day, I had been rehearsing a painful situation in my head over and over again (never a good thing to do!). This situation is one that happened several months ago, but I have had such trouble letting it go. I keep thinking I’m over it, but then it comes up in my mind again.
Without going into too many details, a decision I made awhile back was misrepresented (to many people) by someone I know, and it has made me look really bad. I have never felt like I could defend myself, because of the particular person involved. It would not go well for me to try to defend myself against this person, so I have not even attempted. (I actually tried once before, but I ended up looking like a fool, so I’m not planning on going there again.)
I found myself thinking about this again before church one day, and I found myself saying out loud in the car, “I have nobody to defend me!” Despite the fact that I had some more forgiving to do, I just wanted so badly to be able to defend myself so people could know the entire story. Wanting to defend my actions but not being able to has allowed this situation to go on and on in my head with no resolve – until now. It hurts when people do not truly know the whole situation and have based their assumptions only on what they can “see”.
When those words “My Defender” flashed across the screen at church that day, I knew that was the Holy Spirit speaking to me. He is my Defender! There are many times that we are not able to defend ourselves, or even when we try to we end up looking like a fool. Many times we are misrepresented by others and we are made to look like someone we are not, and there’s nothing we can do about it. There are so many references in the bible when Jesus didn’t defend Himself, and He easily could have.
God has been teaching me that I am not always supposed to defend myself.
In fact, most of the time I am not supposed to defend myself. It’s not my job to do that. It’s His. (I must mention that I am not speaking about any type of abusive situation here. There are times when we must defend ourselves for the protection of ourselves and/or loved ones.)
I encourage you to let Jesus be your Defender. It’s not easy, especially when things don’t happen as quickly as we’d like them to – or even the way we want them to at all. He is our perfect Defender, and He will bless those who trust in Him.
Psalm 91:1-2 “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
Psalm 18:1-3 “How I love you, Lord! You are my Defender. The Lord is my Protector; He is my Strong Fortress. My God is my protection, and with Him I am safe. He protects me like a shield; He defends me and keeps me safe. I call to the Lord, and He saves me from my enemies. Praise the Lord!”.