same-sex attractions, women & porn addiction

Breaking the Chains of Silence and Shame

I will never forget the first time I shared my testimony on my blog. I waited in fear, relief, and anticipation as I knew that many people would be finding out about my past for the very first time.

Most of my own family didn’t know many of these things until I told them just days before I posted it. God had done so much in my life to heal me and deliver me from things I had done as a teenager and into my early 30’s, but I was terrified of how people would react once they found out.

Jesus had done a lot in my life, but I could only go so far with shame continuing to smother me. 

I suddenly felt God stirring up all sorts of things in me back in 2010 when a Christian singer I had always loved listening to came out as a lesbian. She announced that she was living with her partner and believed God was supportive of their relationship.

My heart broke when I heard this, and it shook me.

It was a week or so later that I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to share my testimony on my blog. I was terrified. I never had any intention of sharing any of it publicly. I also knew, though, that there would have to be grace there for me to follow through if He was calling me to do this.

I had to trust that He would lead me. 

As the years have gone by, more and more people within the church are now embracing homosexuality, while it’s specifically condemned in the bible. This is deceiving so many people, which is one of the reasons I continue to share what Jesus has done (and continues to do) in my life. You can see my story here…

I have received my fair share of criticism over the years, but my biggest fears were put to rest when I realized that those closest to me did not turn their backs on me when I shared my story with them. Those closest to me loved me, embraced me, and encouraged me.

When I finally broke the silence and shared my story with others, I was so afraid of what people would think. I thought my friends would start avoiding me and looking at me differently if I told them I had once been in a relationship with another woman, and I had also struggled with lesbian porn. I specifically remember a friend hugging me so tightly when she found out.

I remember being so surprised that she wasn’t afraid to hug me.

(Talk about shame… It had been completely consuming me.)

It’s not that we have to talk to others about our past, but when there is shame involved, talking to someone helps to break that off.

When I told my friends and family about this and put it on my blog, much of the shame broke off of me. It was one of the most difficult things I had ever done, but it helped set me free from the chains of silence and shame that were holding me back.

Satan loves secrets. He knows that the chains around us are so much tighter when they are wrapped in silence. He loves when things are hidden and will convince you that your life will be ruined if you tell anyone.

Jesus had done so much in my life and in my heart, but I couldn’t share any of that without sharing what He saved me from.

I can’t say that all of the shame was gone at that point, but a large part of the freedom I received was just in being transparent with others. I never dreamed I would write about it on my blog; but when God put it on my heart to do so, I suddenly felt a grace about doing it that I never felt before. I knew I couldn’t remain silent anymore.

Thank you, Jesus, for bringing things out into the light. Healing is found in Your light, while bondage remains in the darkness.

Jesus did not intend for us to keep things hidden in shame. Whether you have had struggles similar to mine, or whether you had horrific sins committed against you, God never intended you to live in shame. Shame is crippling, and Jesus has so much more for you than to live in the dark world of shame. He wants to set you free!

I’m not saying that God wants you to post your current or past struggles on a blog or shout it from the rooftops on Facebook, but often if you tell only one trusted person, the shame that has held you down in chains will start to loosen.

If you are living with a secret sin, past struggle, or even sin committed against you that you feel shameful about, talk to God about it and then maybe even someone else in your life that you trust.

Jesus can set you free from the sin that has kept you in bondage. 

Talking to Him about it can feel awkward and embarrassing at first if you’ve never done that. He already knows all about it, though, and is waiting for you to come to Him! He wants you to talk to Him about it.

No matter how many times you have been told to never talk about this, God wants you to talk to Him about it. 

God is not waiting with his arms crossed while pointing His finger in anger. He’s waiting with open arms for you. He wants to set you free. I pray that you open your heart to let Him in, so He can begin the process of healing your heart and setting you free!

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Jesus has changed my life, and He continues to transform me from the inside out. My passion is to see people's hearts healed and set free while walking in an intimate relationship with Jesus.❤ ~ Amy Riordan

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